Femy guys

I have a track record of dating guys that are more feminine than some of my girl friends. It all started with a boyfriend who decided he wanted to be a girlfriend. Matt broke my heart and I am still trying to pick up the pieces. Then there was a boy who liked baking more than he liked to be with me. The trail of failures has not ceased to amaze me. Recently I have been trying to discover why I subconsciously try to sabotage love in my life. Today my friend said that it is my way of staying out of a serious relationship. This begs the question why don't I want a serious relationship? That is when it hit me, subconsciously I fear relationships because I think that I will not be able to accomplish my goals. So the solution to my problem is to date only hot, single, and manly men that are not searching for anything serious. Does this make me sound like a player? Possible, but is there something wrong with playing the Field when you are nineteen and in college. Now I just have to learn how to play the field. This may sound easy to the average person; to me this sounds like walking of a cliff. I like to feel secure I like to think that there will be someone there to catch me. So why if I like commitment, am I so afraid of serious relationships. The real answer I have no idea. There are few times in my life that I have simply had no reasonable explanation for something in my life and it is a terrifying situation. Now on to a new topic. Balancing school, church, and life, is often a very challenging situation. With eighteen credits, working at least 25 hours a week and juggling other responsibilities there is not any time left for a social life. But sometimes you have to choose between good, better, or what is best. Until this semester I thought that the most important part of my life was school but now I am coming to realize that there is so much more to life than getting 120% in a class. I have learned that you can do well in school and in life at the same time. I think that this is what life is really about is learning who I am and what I can become.